What 5 year olds teach me

A more appropriate title for this blog is probably, what kids teach me, but I figured I would narrow it down a bit more, as kids can be a bit harder to define.

I feel like I spent my entire childhood wishing away the wonderful moments. I couldn't wait until I could go on dates, I couldn't wait until I could drive a car,  I couldn't wait until I lived on my own, I couldn't wait until I had no curfew, could drink, could vote, could go to college, could get married and could have kids. From the time I was about 10 years old, I feel like I spent my entire childhood waiting for the next big moment. The next big event. I was always living for that next moment.

I look back on those years wishing I had fully enjoyed and embraced my ability to live in the moment and just be a kid. Sure, other than excitedly awaiting my birthday and Christmas each year, I think I did a pretty good job living in the moment when I was under 10. Kid enough to not yet realize the things I was supposed to feel like I was missing out on. I often feel very grateful that I was the oldest child in my immediate family, at least I didn't have an older sibling making me wish I would grow up even faster, even more so than I already was. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of friends with older siblings that gave me glimpses of the life I had to look forward to, when I was in middle school (that infamous 8th grade dinner dance), when I was in high school and all of the parties (ha ha that never happened), sports and proms and then when I was in college.

Umbrellas

I truly look forward to this post, in large part because it is meant to be a very lighthearted one. My recent blog posts have been very real and raw. I have opened myself up in new ways and it has all been a bit scary and a bit freeing, all at the same time. As the title shows you, this isn't a deep post. We shall see how this all goes as I try to type with an ice pack on my wounded robo-cop type hand.

There are so many wonderful things about NYC, many of which I have already addressed in past posts. There is one aspect of NYC living that I am not sure many realize. Growing up in a small town, we would drive pretty much everywhere, aside from walking or running around the loop and on the field, court or diamond. If we needed to pick something up at CVS, we would drive, if we wanted to get groceries, we would drive. I am sure I owned an umbrella in high school and college, but I don't particularly remember owning one. I always knew I never had to walk further than the distance from the car door to the front door of wherever I was headed. I never needed to really worry about the weather, except for the excitement that would come along with possible snow days and those freezing field hockey and softball games that would occur in the rain and cold.

Break-through

This blog initially came to me while I was walking home one evening. As I was strolling along listening to the classic "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town", I am sure, I noticed a plant that was growing through the side walk. I am sure we have all see these little victories of nature. Roots pushing up sidewalks, trees growing around rocks to reach towards that life-sustaining sun and in my case, a little plant that had broken its way through the sidewalk. It had a will to live, for sure.

It really made me start to think about how amazing and powerful nature can be. Areas that are devastated by natural and human disasters, from tornadoes, earthquakes, floods and fires to heck, nuclear meltdowns.  Each of these present their own challenges and take a toll on human life, emotions and our willingness to have hope. Most recently we have even been suffering from lack of mother nature, the droughts across this country are crippling and devastating and we will all certainly be feeling the pain at the grocery store this fall when food prices rise.

I disappoint myself....

I have really been attempting to stay true to the inspiration. Meaning, when I get an idea for a blog, I write it down/text or e-mail it to myself and then add it to the long list of "topics" I want to discuss, at some point in time. I have been trying to stay true in keeping the order in which things come to me. For the first time, I am breaking order and I am going to write about an experience I had last night.

I am really nervous about writing this blog, as it is almost like holding up a mirror to myself and seeing things that I really do not like that really make me nervous and honestly make me quite embarrassed.

My "religion"

Well, I guess here goes any chance I have for being future President of the United States, or any elected office for that matter.

So I have to be honest here, this is the blog post that brings the most anxiety. This anxiety stems from a few places, no doubt a large portion coming from that Catholic guilt I perfected as a child.

I think I should say upfront, that I am not intending to offend or claiming to be "correct" in anything that I state. I think that is actually one of the biggest challenges with religion, everyone thinks and feels that they are "correct." How can everyone be "correct"? You believe what you believe, that is all you can say, really. Your beliefs work for you and in that way, they are correct. As in you have correctly found what works for you. That is all I am doing here, I am stating that I have correctly found what works for me, and me alone.  I am making no claims to be "right." I am continuing to use this blog as an exercise to learn about myself and discover my passion. Part of this journey, has been thinking more about what I believe about life and in general.

Enough

Enough, what does enough mean to you? I honestly find a real danger in this. I have been delaying this blog post mainly because I cannot seem to find the quote I really wanted to highlight. I found a few good ones to string within the post and am hopefully perhaps I will come across it at some point in time.

My blog topics often come to me out of nowhere. Sometimes it is when I see an injustice, sometimes it is when a friend or co-workers happens to say something that really captures my interest, sometimes it  is when I see a memorable or inspirational story or quote, and yes, sometimes it comes to me at 4:00 a.m. 

I often think about the word "enough" and what is fosters inside of me when I say it and hear it. I feel like it is utilized in a multitude of ways, often quantifiable, expressing contentment, frustration or perhaps even longing. Often associated with what you view to be what are entitled to and how you measure up to your desires: do you have enough food, enough clothes, enough money, enough friends, enough children, enough animals, enough politics, enough education, etc. In this way it is refereing to quanitiy, you have "enough" of something to fill whatever void or quota you had or perhaps whatever you feel you should be entitled to. Or, more commonly, you don't have enough, it is just never enough...

Pat, Patty, Patricia

Wow, it has been awhile since I have been able to post a blog, I have to admit, I kind of miss the massive brain dumps. This past month has been a bit crazy. I hate using that as an excuse to not prioritize those things that matter most, but unfortunately it is the case.

Along with not posting any blogs in awhile, my travels have caused me to temporarily also put Weight Watchers journey on-hold. I didn't do too bad for myself these past 3+ weeks traveling, however, I am looking at this upcoming Saturday as my day to become a born again WW member, well at least until I Greg and I head to Hampton Beach.

I am kind of looking at the summer as a time to maintain. I would love to lose another 5 lbs this summer, but I would even be happy with maintenance this summer. I feel like the summer is the hardest for me, even more difficult than the winter, which is crazy. I think it is the outdoor cafes, constant desire  for wine and cheese and the muggy, hot weather that all hinder my weigh loss opportunities. I know none of these are good excuses and it isn't like Greg and I have been good about cooking lately, but there is nothing that makes me want to cook less than a hot and humid NYC evening. Our apartment is hot enough, never mind what putting the stove, or let alone oven would do. It is bad enough after taking showers. Again, all not good excuses, but I am proud of myself for having a goal for this summer. I am not expecting to lose much more than 5 lbs this summer and then hoping to pick things back up after Labor Day and begin to get closer and closer to goal. It is still a bit scary for me to say that out loud.