Monday, August 15, 2016

Too smart for spirit......

Even just typing this title makes my heart go up in my throat. I have been thinking about this all weekend and it is scary to be honest with myself and get this down on paper. All weekend I have been trying to find a way to be helpful and trying to really find my purpose and a way to be of service and this blog title just kept coming to mind.

I am not even quite sure how to begin this, but likely that is because more than anything, I am always so afraid of what others think. I often feel like a ping pong ball that pays so much attention to the feedback I get from others in an effort to help me decide which way to go next. Versus, being honest and true and open about myself, my beliefs and how I feel.

As I child, I worked hard to find the path of least resistance. As a child that FEARED conflict and disapproval, I put all my energy and effort into reading people. This assessment was then used to make the decisions that would cause the least friction, conflict, anger, etc. Meaning, in essence, I wasn't making decisions that I necessarily wanted to make, was passionate about making, etc. I was really making decisions on this magical method I had found, my own path of least resistance.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Send love and release

Holy shit/shift, it has almost been a year since I have written a blog!?!? There was a period of time where I was good for a few blogs a week. There was a period of time where I had so much to get out of my head and so much I was working on that it almost felt like blogging was my full time job--I wish. As with many people struggling with their own mental health challenges, sometimes getting and feeling better brings about a reduction in creative and artistic output. There are always the "stories" you hear about famous artists, writers, mathematicians, etc. who would have likely been diagnosed with "something" today but that "something" allowed them to produce and create and solve the most wonderful, amazing and incredible things.