Too smart for spirit......

Even just typing this title makes my heart go up in my throat. I have been thinking about this all weekend and it is scary to be honest with myself and get this down on paper. All weekend I have been trying to find a way to be helpful and trying to really find my purpose and a way to be of service and this blog title just kept coming to mind.

I am not even quite sure how to begin this, but likely that is because more than anything, I am always so afraid of what others think. I often feel like a ping pong ball that pays so much attention to the feedback I get from others in an effort to help me decide which way to go next. Versus, being honest and true and open about myself, my beliefs and how I feel.

As I child, I worked hard to find the path of least resistance. As a child that FEARED conflict and disapproval, I put all my energy and effort into reading people. This assessment was then used to make the decisions that would cause the least friction, conflict, anger, etc. Meaning, in essence, I wasn't making decisions that I necessarily wanted to make, was passionate about making, etc. I was really making decisions on this magical method I had found, my own path of least resistance.

"WTF Happened?"

So, I have been throwing this around in my head for the past few days. I have been trying to figure out how to write this blog, what to say and how to use my words to make a difference to someone out there. I really try hard to write about things I think may "speak" to someone. I really try and put myself out there in an effort to have someone be able to say "ok, I am not alone...she feels that way too" or "ok, I am not alone, she has thought about that too." I have always felt a real calling to help. I have always felt like sharing experiences, sharing wisdom, sharing challenges is the best way to help. I say it again and again, but life is hard. Whether it is helping one person, or helping 1,000, I have to believe that it is always important to try. I also have to be careful because I am so drained when I help. I take on the challenges and feelings of others. So, blogging has allowed me to try and help while being more removed and passive in the process--in an effort to keep my energy.

So, WTF happened, right?

Mind over matter.....

I have been having some very bizarre and vivid dreams lately. I think dreams really are fascinating. To that, I think sleep is really quite fascinating, as well. It is amazing to me that the human body is able to pretty much shut down each evening, find time to rest, relax and recharge for the next day. It is amazing to me that sleep happens, really crazy when you stop and think about it, and even more amazing what our brains and unconscious are able to do during these 7-8 hours each evening.

Even more amazing, perhaps, is how a lack of sleep affects me, personally. When I haven't gotten at least a good 4-5 hours on any given night I feel a real inability to function. I find it hard to think, my anxiety is more prone to get triggered and I find it hard to make sound decisions, I find it hard to have a intelligent conversation and I often find it difficult to make "decent" food choices. It is like the more tired I am, the less I am able to function at a high level, all around.

Mind, body and spirit

I don't know why this concept is so challenging for me to hold onto, grasp and really swallow down into my soul. When I want to feel my best, I need to focus on my mind, my body and my spirit. It is never enough to focus on just one, I never feel "happy" when just one is in check. Yet, again and again, I am amazed and surprised when I suddenly feel balanced and able to be present in each and every moment when I find myself nurturing each of these and putting the energy into each, as I so should.

Body:

So, while I prefer the phrase "Mind, body and spirit," I am going to focus in on the aspect that seems to have the most pull over me, my body. I think for many of us, we focus mostly on our bodies. My body has been an ongoing, very conscious and out there battle. Since I can remember, I have been concerned about issues of weight and appearance. It is the issue that on the onset, appears to be the easiest to address. But, as I have mentioned before, it can be part of the initiative, but it cannot be the only initiative. I think it is safe to say that many of us that struggle with weight also have other stressors, concerns, or deeper lying challenges that will not simply go away with weight loss.