I disappoint myself....

I have really been attempting to stay true to the inspiration. Meaning, when I get an idea for a blog, I write it down/text or e-mail it to myself and then add it to the long list of "topics" I want to discuss, at some point in time. I have been trying to stay true in keeping the order in which things come to me. For the first time, I am breaking order and I am going to write about an experience I had last night.

I am really nervous about writing this blog, as it is almost like holding up a mirror to myself and seeing things that I really do not like that really make me nervous and honestly make me quite embarrassed.

My "religion"

Well, I guess here goes any chance I have for being future President of the United States, or any elected office for that matter.

So I have to be honest here, this is the blog post that brings the most anxiety. This anxiety stems from a few places, no doubt a large portion coming from that Catholic guilt I perfected as a child.

I think I should say upfront, that I am not intending to offend or claiming to be "correct" in anything that I state. I think that is actually one of the biggest challenges with religion, everyone thinks and feels that they are "correct." How can everyone be "correct"? You believe what you believe, that is all you can say, really. Your beliefs work for you and in that way, they are correct. As in you have correctly found what works for you. That is all I am doing here, I am stating that I have correctly found what works for me, and me alone.  I am making no claims to be "right." I am continuing to use this blog as an exercise to learn about myself and discover my passion. Part of this journey, has been thinking more about what I believe about life and in general.

Enough

Enough, what does enough mean to you? I honestly find a real danger in this. I have been delaying this blog post mainly because I cannot seem to find the quote I really wanted to highlight. I found a few good ones to string within the post and am hopefully perhaps I will come across it at some point in time.

My blog topics often come to me out of nowhere. Sometimes it is when I see an injustice, sometimes it is when a friend or co-workers happens to say something that really captures my interest, sometimes it  is when I see a memorable or inspirational story or quote, and yes, sometimes it comes to me at 4:00 a.m. 

I often think about the word "enough" and what is fosters inside of me when I say it and hear it. I feel like it is utilized in a multitude of ways, often quantifiable, expressing contentment, frustration or perhaps even longing. Often associated with what you view to be what are entitled to and how you measure up to your desires: do you have enough food, enough clothes, enough money, enough friends, enough children, enough animals, enough politics, enough education, etc. In this way it is refereing to quanitiy, you have "enough" of something to fill whatever void or quota you had or perhaps whatever you feel you should be entitled to. Or, more commonly, you don't have enough, it is just never enough...

Pat, Patty, Patricia

Wow, it has been awhile since I have been able to post a blog, I have to admit, I kind of miss the massive brain dumps. This past month has been a bit crazy. I hate using that as an excuse to not prioritize those things that matter most, but unfortunately it is the case.

Along with not posting any blogs in awhile, my travels have caused me to temporarily also put Weight Watchers journey on-hold. I didn't do too bad for myself these past 3+ weeks traveling, however, I am looking at this upcoming Saturday as my day to become a born again WW member, well at least until I Greg and I head to Hampton Beach.

I am kind of looking at the summer as a time to maintain. I would love to lose another 5 lbs this summer, but I would even be happy with maintenance this summer. I feel like the summer is the hardest for me, even more difficult than the winter, which is crazy. I think it is the outdoor cafes, constant desire  for wine and cheese and the muggy, hot weather that all hinder my weigh loss opportunities. I know none of these are good excuses and it isn't like Greg and I have been good about cooking lately, but there is nothing that makes me want to cook less than a hot and humid NYC evening. Our apartment is hot enough, never mind what putting the stove, or let alone oven would do. It is bad enough after taking showers. Again, all not good excuses, but I am proud of myself for having a goal for this summer. I am not expecting to lose much more than 5 lbs this summer and then hoping to pick things back up after Labor Day and begin to get closer and closer to goal. It is still a bit scary for me to say that out loud.