My crazy ass mind

I have been blogging since 2009. My blog's content, quality and frequency of posts appears to ebb and flow depending on how crazy my mind is being. I say "crazy" with all the love in the world for my mind, but that doesn't mean it isn't crazy just the same. As I type my 79th blog entry, I appreciate and take a moment to reflect on all the crazy I have gotten out of my mind and want to pass along a genuine appreciation for your willingness to scroll through my thoughts, even if it was just once for a moment. I write my blog in the hopes of helping someone have to struggle one less day than I have. When I say "struggle" I am referring to all of the personal growth that has happened since 2009. I know I have learned a lot, but my real hope and dream is to guide others through their own personal journey and be a sounding board for ideas, encouragement and inspiration.

The battle of being happy

I like to think that the huge success of Pharrell Williams' song "Happy" has something to do with the world today. We weren't ready for it until now. When he first released it it went nowhere..... I like to think the human race is starting to come around on a few levels. There is certainly still a lot of anger, hate and injustice in this world. I am not going to deny that, however, I often think the music of the times has a lot to say and show of the times. Music has often been a way for people to come together, voice appreciation, concern, hopes, dreams and disappointments. It has been a way to tell stories and believe in a better tomorrow. Granted to the artists it is often something quite different, self expression, a craft and a way to really bare their soul.

"WTF Happened?"

So, I have been throwing this around in my head for the past few days. I have been trying to figure out how to write this blog, what to say and how to use my words to make a difference to someone out there. I really try hard to write about things I think may "speak" to someone. I really try and put myself out there in an effort to have someone be able to say "ok, I am not alone...she feels that way too" or "ok, I am not alone, she has thought about that too." I have always felt a real calling to help. I have always felt like sharing experiences, sharing wisdom, sharing challenges is the best way to help. I say it again and again, but life is hard. Whether it is helping one person, or helping 1,000, I have to believe that it is always important to try. I also have to be careful because I am so drained when I help. I take on the challenges and feelings of others. So, blogging has allowed me to try and help while being more removed and passive in the process--in an effort to keep my energy.

So, WTF happened, right?

Just a little push......

I have been thinking about my childhood a lot lately. Thinking about all of the wonderful memories, the challenges, the days I thought "nothing can be worse than this." Looking back now, there was a lot that happened, but there wasn't anything I didn't make it through---obviously here I am today, writing about it all. At the time it can be really difficult to see the lesson or to even begin to imagine life will get better. It can be so hard to try and realize that each interaction can really be treated as an opportunity to learn and grow.

The life of an introvert

I know I have talked about this before and I am not quite sure why it took me so long to come out of the introvert closet. I think for much of my life, I have been super involved. Whether in student government, athletics or as a volunteer. I have always liked staying busy. I think that many times my desire to stay busy could very well come across to some as a tendency of an extrovert. Interesting, because this could not be further from the truth.

My involvement has caused me to really feel like I needed to be an extrovert. I realized I could play the part. I could make myself kind of an extrovert, when necessary. Like much of my personality, I am able to have on-demand traits when appropriate, necessary or when no one else is filling that "void." I think this comes from always feeling like I need to balance out those around me.