Tell me what you want....whatcha really really want?!??!!

I am not sure if it is because as a girl growing up there were certain ways of being that were expected and accepted, or if it is just because I was a quiet, more introverted type growing up. Regardless of the why, I know that it is really hard often times for me to be able to understand and verbalize what I really want out of life.

Passion and purpose......

For years I have had a children's/tweens series in my head. I have developed book titles, character names and even plots for each. At this point, I feel like it is my Everest.

I started my blog, nearly a year ago, for a few reasons. One reason was that I really wanted to get back into the habit of writing. I wanted to practice, I wanted to work on style, structure, grammar, all the stuff that appears to have been covered when I was pulled out of class for Project Acorn as a child. I also started my blog because I felt like it was a fun time in my life, a time I wanted to reflect on, think about and as always, last but not least, there is always a desire to learn and grow and improve myself. I thought a blog would be a great exercise on so many levels. I would be lying to myself though, if I didn't also admit that I was also secretly hoping that out of my blogs would come these magical and infamous book(s) I continue to reference in close circles.

Well, it is March and I have over 60 blog posts and yet still not one chapter of any of these books. I do not even think that I have a sentence. You have to understand, since college I have started maybe 10 different books. I am hit with a huge burst of energy and inspiration. I sit down at night with my laptop and bust out like 10 pages of randomness. Most of my writings are very stream of consciousness. I was never very good at organizing my papers. I used to hate making outlines when I was in high school, college and even grad school. It just didn't feel genuine. Words come to me as flow, they come to me in waves and when I stop to plan this out, I totally stop the natural flow of the words. Words come to me in the shower, on the subway and as I walk home from night. Other than jotting down blog topics, I have yet to find a way to utilize outlining in my writing.

Now, I am self aware enough to know that this sometimes lends itself to run-on sentences, thought processes that could be more flushed out and sometimes downright confusing statements. I realize all of this. I also know that my inability to be succinctt in much of what I write is what caused me to get B's vs. A's in all of my college writing classes. I have a hard time holding back and editing. I realize all of this is something that needs to be addressed. I realized most people do not go into what they got B's in, but if you look at my record between Astronomy/Physics and Writing, it is rather typical for me, go figure.

I think what has been most difficult as far as starting my book(s) is concerned, is just that. I do not know how to start. I write so stream of consciousness, I just cannot decide if the book should be written in third person or first person.  I also cannot decide if the book should be written as if the events are occurring presently, or if it would be better to write it more Stand By Me-like, with narration looking back at times in childhood. I know, I know, at some point I just need to bite the bullet and start writing. I like to think it will come together eventually. I just have no doubt how much work this will all be. I am just hopeful I will find the time, inspiration and patience I need to get it done.

If nothing else, at some point, there will be random mass amounts of books and topics started and never finished by the infamous Patricia Landry.

I think the other reason I may have difficulty with starting is because I feel like they need to be meaningful and instill some great knowledge onto future generations. I feel like I should be spending my time on things that will help. Why even in my writing am I so concerned of what other people think?  I am not sure that these books will help, but I selfishly really want to at least try. I feel like I just want to make a difference in this world and help when I can and I guess I just continue to struggle and figure out how I can be utilized in this wonderful world of ours. So, just as outlining messes with my flow, second guessing the story is also stopping my flow.

I guess I just need to carve out some time, at some point and just get started. Here's to hoping I can find the flow and the motivation to get started. Asking the universe for guidance on passion and purpose and some good energy flow.....

That's all she wrote...
always
Patty

Mentors and Friends....

This post probably would have been much more timely around Thanksgiving, really giving me the opportunity to give a quick shout out to three individuals who all started out as mentors and quickly became friends.

Life is hard, I have no problem admitting that. Making decisions, pushing yourself, looking within and making changes all can be scary and often require support and advice from those wise and caring folks you have around you. I am extremely lucky to have met so many folks over the years, and I just wanted to send a special thank you to three of them. There are many more I could mention and people like Greg, my sister and my parents are probably obvious, but let's start with the three that come to mind most immediately.

Break-through

This blog initially came to me while I was walking home one evening. As I was strolling along listening to the classic "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town", I am sure, I noticed a plant that was growing through the side walk. I am sure we have all see these little victories of nature. Roots pushing up sidewalks, trees growing around rocks to reach towards that life-sustaining sun and in my case, a little plant that had broken its way through the sidewalk. It had a will to live, for sure.

It really made me start to think about how amazing and powerful nature can be. Areas that are devastated by natural and human disasters, from tornadoes, earthquakes, floods and fires to heck, nuclear meltdowns.  Each of these present their own challenges and take a toll on human life, emotions and our willingness to have hope. Most recently we have even been suffering from lack of mother nature, the droughts across this country are crippling and devastating and we will all certainly be feeling the pain at the grocery store this fall when food prices rise.