Monday, March 11, 2013

Passion and purpose......

For years I have had a children's/tweens series in my head. I have developed book titles, character names and even plots for each. At this point, I feel like it is my Everest.

I started my blog, nearly a year ago, for a few reasons. One reason was that I really wanted to get back into the habit of writing. I wanted to practice, I wanted to work on style, structure, grammar, all the stuff that appears to have been covered when I was pulled out of class for Project Acorn as a child. I also started my blog because I felt like it was a fun time in my life, a time I wanted to reflect on, think about and as always, last but not least, there is always a desire to learn and grow and improve myself. I thought a blog would be a great exercise on so many levels. I would be lying to myself though, if I didn't also admit that I was also secretly hoping that out of my blogs would come these magical and infamous book(s) I continue to reference in close circles.

Well, it is March and I have over 60 blog posts and yet still not one chapter of any of these books. I do not even think that I have a sentence. You have to understand, since college I have started maybe 10 different books. I am hit with a huge burst of energy and inspiration. I sit down at night with my laptop and bust out like 10 pages of randomness. Most of my writings are very stream of consciousness. I was never very good at organizing my papers. I used to hate making outlines when I was in high school, college and even grad school. It just didn't feel genuine. Words come to me as flow, they come to me in waves and when I stop to plan this out, I totally stop the natural flow of the words. Words come to me in the shower, on the subway and as I walk home from night. Other than jotting down blog topics, I have yet to find a way to utilize outlining in my writing.

Now, I am self aware enough to know that this sometimes lends itself to run-on sentences, thought processes that could be more flushed out and sometimes downright confusing statements. I realize all of this. I also know that my inability to be succinctt in much of what I write is what caused me to get B's vs. A's in all of my college writing classes. I have a hard time holding back and editing. I realize all of this is something that needs to be addressed. I realized most people do not go into what they got B's in, but if you look at my record between Astronomy/Physics and Writing, it is rather typical for me, go figure.

I think what has been most difficult as far as starting my book(s) is concerned, is just that. I do not know how to start. I write so stream of consciousness, I just cannot decide if the book should be written in third person or first person.  I also cannot decide if the book should be written as if the events are occurring presently, or if it would be better to write it more Stand By Me-like, with narration looking back at times in childhood. I know, I know, at some point I just need to bite the bullet and start writing. I like to think it will come together eventually. I just have no doubt how much work this will all be. I am just hopeful I will find the time, inspiration and patience I need to get it done.

If nothing else, at some point, there will be random mass amounts of books and topics started and never finished by the infamous Patricia Landry.

I think the other reason I may have difficulty with starting is because I feel like they need to be meaningful and instill some great knowledge onto future generations. I feel like I should be spending my time on things that will help. Why even in my writing am I so concerned of what other people think?  I am not sure that these books will help, but I selfishly really want to at least try. I feel like I just want to make a difference in this world and help when I can and I guess I just continue to struggle and figure out how I can be utilized in this wonderful world of ours. So, just as outlining messes with my flow, second guessing the story is also stopping my flow.

I guess I just need to carve out some time, at some point and just get started. Here's to hoping I can find the flow and the motivation to get started. Asking the universe for guidance on passion and purpose and some good energy flow.....

That's all she wrote...

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