Struggling to find the divine within

I put on the coral maxi dress and ran right into my bedroom. It felt cute and flowing and soo very comfortable. It felt like it fit good, no, I take that back, it felt like it fit great. Maybe a bit snug in the chest, but what else was new with my linebacker-like back and shoulders.

I ran in the bedroom so excited to see my reflection. I felt pretty. I felt like this was going to be a keeper.

It took me 34 years to finally.....

It took me 34 years to finally.......watch the sun rise.

I am fairly confident I have been up and outside when the sun is rising, multiple times. This, however, was different. This was watching with a sense of purpose, a sense of gratitude and a real sense of amazement. It was really awe inspiring and breath taking to be outside with the sole intention of watching the sun rise. I am grateful to have started off my day in this way and I certainly look forward to doing it again soon!

I want a label...but not that one......

So the past three weeks have been challenging, frustrating, scary, confusing, inspiring, and hopeful. For the first time, in a long time, I find myself wanting a label....but not that one....

You see, for the past three weeks, I have been going on a "fun" and "eventful" journey. I have to frame it this way or it makes me want to pull my hair out. The journey, let's just call it, "What Patty should do to feel her best." I was going to initially call the journey "what is wrong with Patty," but I really don't think there is anything wrong with me. This is all a journey for me to try and figure out how I can feel my best. What I can do to wake up feeling good, feel motivated throughout the day, not feel anxious, eat well, and be healthy.

The new "majority"

I have been thinking about a lot lately. Having many conversations with Greg, with friends. After last night, I first need to do a human check, I need to do an empathy check. The first thing I tried to do last night, as a New Englander and a liberal who has often lived through defeat and come out the other side, I tried to put myself in Mitt Romney's shoes, in his supporters shoes. I tried to put myself in his staff's shoes. Regardless of who you voted for, you have a man who has basically been running for president since what, 2007? or so? He ran in 2008 and was not chosen as the nominee, but he has been running since then. You have a husband, father and grandfather who believed in his heart and in his soul that he was the man for this job. He believed he could do better and he worked tirelessly during the past at least 5 years to try and make that happen.

If I die tomorrow.....

I have to admit, the magical thinker in me is a bit fearful that this blog will either cause me to jinx myself (and I actually will die tomorrow), or if nothing else trigger an anxiety attack when I suddenly begin believing that each ache, pain and quickened heart beat is in fact terminal.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, how precious and fragile life is and how none of us know how much time we have left. It can be scary and it can be inspiring. It can be scary, for me anyways, because I feel like there is so much I would want my loved ones to know. You never know if you will get to say good bye and you want nothing more than for your loved ones to be ok. It scares me to think I could die and never get to say thank you, I love you, I am sorry, I forgive you or I understand.