- 110 Points

Of course I woke up at 2:30 a.m. this morning. I cannot tell you how many times I wake up between 2:30 and 3:30. I know I have said it a million times, but I do not know if I have ever successfully slept through the night. I normally fall asleep rather quickly, but then once I wake up, I find it extremely challenging to fall back asleep. Normally it lends itself to first trying to fall back asleep in frustration. Stage 2 is when I turn the t.v. back on and put a re-run on. Preferably one I have seen a million times in an effort to not need to watch it, or care and fall back asleep. Step 3 is to roll onto my right side. I normally fall asleep on my right side. If that still doesn't work, I will check my phone, e-mail, Facebook and last but not least blog or read. I should probably start with blogging or reading, at least they are both active and may tire me out.

Fighting instincts.....

So much about my life lately seems to be working really hard to NOT do something. For me, as of late, it feels more and more like I am doing nothing but constantly fighting my instincts.

If I was an animal out in the wild, I am not sure how I would react to my animal instincts. I assume there are things that animals do find as instinctual (hence animal instincts), all things survival I suppose. However, I don't know that animals worry about being in shape or watching their weight. I also don't know that animals worry about what others think about them. Animals don't have anything else affecting their instincts, they aren't pausing to think and consider, they just do--I assume? Health and well being aside, I often wonder if we are better or worse off for having the ability to fight our instinct? What causes me as a human to no longer trust that my instincts have my best interset at heart? I have no doubt this evolutionary necessity has become wrapped up and confused with human desires. No wonder I feel like I am fighting what I call instincts, they probably are not actually instincts at all, perhaps desires is more appropriate.

I am going to continue to use the word instinct as that is my instinct :)